Tag Archives: our philosophy

Top/Bottom vs Dom/Sub

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Top / Bottom refers to the physical acts, while
dom/sub refers to the mental or psychological.
i.e., mental vs physical roles of the players.

Yes, you can dom from the bottom, and it’s okay. DO NOT let people give you a hard time for it. Yes, often negatively portrayed as “Topping from the Bottom.” That also means Service Top is acceptable and a fantastic thing.

Check it out, what about Riggers n Bunnies?
Are they tops and bottoms?

I like this graphic and their wording:

NOTE: The graphic comes from someone in the Queer community, and comes with the following disclaimer:

“Disclaimer: BDSM concepts may differ, and may even vary from community to community.” These conflicting and often vague & emotional views are the reasons it took me so long to come to terms with and find the best wording. The version depicted in the graphic is, in my mind, the most accurate and comprehensive version I have seen.
I would like to see the BDSM community come to terms with and adopt this version.
This confusion is why I DO NOT LIKE the Wikipedia versions:
A: “Human sexuality”/Top, Bottom, Versatile; LGBTQ & Straight, but initially by way of the LGBTQ [“Gay Men’s”] community.
B: “BDSM”/Top, Bottom, Switch; “Active, Passive Versatile, are OLD, and only apply to Gay Sex [these days].”

bdsm, queer, top, bottom, dom, dominant, sub, submissive, queer, versatile, switch, side, definition
  • Top/Bottom: It’s Physical: A position or act
    • Top: The active or insertive role
    • Bottom: The passive or receiving role
    • Virs/Versatile: Can switch roles, taking a top or bottom position/role
      Essentially, they are both a top & a bottom
    • Side: Doesn’t like insertion
    • Frequently not BDSM related
      (BDSM & Sexual usage may differ)
  • Dom/Sub: It’s Psychological: Consensual power dynamic
    • Dom: Power Role, Leader, Guide, Protector
    • Sub: Guided or Dominated
    • Switch: Someone who is sometimes dominant, other times is a sub. Sometimes, negotiated role changes occur as quickly as in a single scene. At other times or for other people and dynamics, it may require a different scene, possibly even days of separation.
    • Often Non-Sexual
  • Neither can be determined as a bystander from the sidelines just from mannerisms.
    • Plenty of dominant people are passive, and subs can be vocal or loud.
    • The same applies to Top/Bottom, although being physical acts, you can observe them at that moment. NOTE: only at that moment.

Thanks to Candiliquor with Boundaries and Bondage for sharing this (July 31, 2024) { #blackfacesinkinkspaces }. Although the graphic is at least 2 years older (2022 or earlier) and designed by Douglass_fir >> douglass_fern with graphics by Gan Khoon Lay PLEASE NOTE: FrolicBB has shared the updated version.
(Updated September 8, 2022)